It is a shame, a degradation of our beloved addiction, that the entirety of the 5th Battalion hath been so terribly and criminally stripped of the fuel of our minds, with an invasion, a warpath
that propelled thy basic requiring cadets into a fear, a turmoil unseen, with the masses screaming agast at the removal of thy “Contraband!” Aye, what say ye whom claim my necessities, I am no outcast,
one to be thrown against thy wind, trapped to obtain marked packaging, only for a scribe to destroy my name, garnering me the justified detriment of five hours of excitement, of which I hover like a gadfly.
Aye, beware, beware thy other Battalion’s, beware the crooked hook of justice and the broken scale of liberty, thou art guilty till proven innocent, for I promise to thy, one can of dip is not worth thy sanity!
Editor’s Note: This satirical poem was submitted to the Brigadier staff by an individual whose views do not necessarily represent those of our staff or The Citadel. However, there are many disgruntled cadets in 5th Battalion whose sentiments are represented here… This is for you.
BACKGROUND: On Monday, Jan 26th 2018, at 0530 The Commandant’s Dept. conducted a health and wellness inspection in 5th BN during which several cadets were pulled for possession of contraband that was immediately confiscated.
***NO AFFILIATION WITH “THE PIMP”***