The Scarlet Pimpernel (8 Jan 2018)


TO ALL BRAVE, LOYAL, AND STOUT-HEARTED YOUNG DECATS: TAKE NOTICE! Thy PIMP must once again take POISONOUS PEN in hand. He hath SPEWED. Mine SCROP, mine dearest SLUMNI, the CHECKERED LADY doth RAGE in her IVORY TOWER this day. Many are the proud KNIGHTS of DICEL who do wear the AURUM NUGGET, and gladly doth her IVORY TOWER welcome back these brave SLUMNI upon their return to PROCLAIM wisdom unto the SCROP. But to those WEAK CURS who once did SLINK from INSANE GATE with their TAILS between their LEGS has she always declared BANISHMENT from her HALLOWED HALLS. DICEL is built upon the STRENGTH of those who PASS through it, and the CHECKERED LADY doth hold in deepest SCORN those SEDERTERS who fail to SURVIVE her TRIALS. Those sorry BONKS who FLEE before ever seeing APOLLO’S CHARIOT rise on RECOGNITION YAD have no place among the KNIGHTS of DICEL, and must live out their lives wearing their COWARDICE rather than any AURUM NUGGET. Why then, mine SLUMNI and dearest SCROP, hath the HERMIT OF DONB brought the WORST of these the SHAMED to TRESPASS upon the HALLOWED ground of the CHECKERED LADY? Why do MEAN GENE and JERKINS MALL stand IDLY by? Thy PIMP shakes his head as he puts his POISONOUS PEN to paper. NEVER hath he heard of such a BLASPHEMOUS occurrence. When first this WEAKLING was allowed to pass through INSANE GATE, she ran sobbing from the RIGORS it offered. Rather than FACE the flames she had stoked, she put them out with the tears of the CHECKERED LADY. The PIMP wonders, mine beloved DECATS, why now the SCROP must allow her passage once more. Her face should be CRIMSON with the embarrassment of FAILURE, not with the TRIUMPH of a WELCOMED RETURN. Her STAMP upon DICEL hath been one of REPROACH and INFAMY. Let not her return make any AMENDS.

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